Today marks the first issue of BISS News. This has been greeted by widespread apathy and shrugging of shoulders by all those polled.
When questioned about this disturbing trend, the Editor said, "Meh."
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Iraq is bankrupt. A study conducted by a panel of geologists from the Texas Institute of Pointless Academia found that what were presumed to be large oil reserves are in fact vast pools of pure evil left over from the regime of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.
President Bush was reported to have greeted the discovery with the statement, "Told you so" before retiring to the oval office for a quiet game of Candyland with the Vice President.
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Smoking is found to be beneficial to your health.
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Haha, made you look.
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Frivolous reporting is on the rise again as reported by numerous eyewitnesses before they were summarily executed.
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In an effort to stem the growing tide of illiteracy and general stupidity, the National Council for Education has empowered high-school teachers to use capital punishment in the case of low grades. This has been greeted with widespread chagrin by numerous student athletes, however it is not known at this time whether they will be alive when their petition reaches the Board of Appeals.
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World Peace was achieved for approximately one half-second yesterday around 10:13 a.m. EST. Investigators for the Institute For Mindless Violence have attributed this to "damn dirty hippies" and vowed to put a stop to it. The public is advised to keep agitated as this was purely a freak occurrence.
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